Monthly Archives: December 2004

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Well, the eve of the new year is on its way and i am still stressing about hw.  Jeesh.  Well i am still in the up and am heading back in the meantime.  i hope to make the show at copper rocks and thereafter go to church for the lock in.  i have alot of work i have hardly started. eeek.  For all thos wensday poets out there BE GENTLE.

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ahhhh


i have to pee, if anyone cares.


lately i have found myself suspended in a mirkie mesh of doubt and despair.  i wonder how many times i have been stuck here.  i got Green Day’s new cd for christmas, American Idiot.  it is quite nice.  my current postition/location is the up (upper penissula of michigan).  despite popular belief it is not that bad as long as you stay in escanaba.  otherwise it is about 95% state and national forest flourising with deer, wolves and incest.  Cold also but quaint and therefore relaxing in contrast to the despair welling up inside me.  i am putting my hope in Jesus wich makes thing more better for me as he ordains peace with me in the midst of despair.  Also, i am at my cousins house and they are watching Mars Attacks.  I am beginning to grow in love all the more as i find that the more of it that is given the more there is, it, unlike material possesions, does not dispate or minimize in quanity as you give it out.  oh yes, i have a recent new found romance with the song “sex and candy” or whatever it is called but hopefully you know what i am talking about.


Words of Encouragement: Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.  Hebrew 13:5

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We are moving know almost to midnight.  Four minutes to the next day.  Yet I stand petrified in time medditating on an agonizing state while watching marc jacobs new fasion show, quite nice.  sleep is calling me and evermore i feel less and less part of this time.  i don’t know what to do about all the work i have to do.  i lied earlier.  i do not have mr. pekem’s e-mail so i could not storm their and vent and i have yet to speak with him concerning a most impertinent castastrophe for me.  i feel selfish often thinking of all the 5 million without homes or any possesions and thousand of dead family members.  i hear their screams from the news, gfa and other mediums of communication.  my mother and i got into an argument concerning me “acting gay” at a football game quite along time ago and me suppusdley liking a guy named dylan, who is actually a friend of mine but i have never like him like that.  though he is sharp looking.  anyways, my step dad is being an ass whole again and my dad, who was supposed to pick me up Christmas day did not call me until the evening and told me he was in the quad cities.  he left that information in a message which i did return and it has been three days and he has not called me back even when i stated that he was to call me back in my message.  oh hell.  but what can i do.  sometimes i wonder why i try so hard to make life seem pleasent.  After the fight with my mom and step dad-all becuase i was doing hw at the table and the above mentined thing i went to the shower to get some peace and warmth and a place where tears were a natural part of the enviroment. i love everyone just like Jesus.  kisses and hugs and seasons greetings


Words of Wisdom:






The Truth is from thy Lord; so be not at all in doubt.
Quran 2:147

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oh i feel ever terrible


the consequences for going on the florida trip with my family are far over weighing any enjoying expierence i kind of had on the trip


i have so much work to do, missed valuble class work time and missed auditions for working which is the most disapointing trivalty of them all


i am marching now to the post box of Mr. Pekems e-mail to try and vent my sorrow

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Well well.  Christmas greetings to all


and i am better


Pastor Steve spoke of inner peace offered by Christ as we recive him as the Prince of Peace and his peace itself.  The peace of God which posses all understanding.  God’s mercyi and blessing to all.


 


Words of Wisdom:






People will talk about your disgrace forever. To the honored, dishonor is worse than death.
Bhagavad-Gita 2:34

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I just came back from Florida and actually I am really depressed.  I enjoyed the stay but I have way to much work to make up AND most important i missed auditions for working.  Ahhhh!!!!  On top of I had a not-so-fun talk with my mom and step dad about my dad.  whoopie, whats new.  i am getting used to glumy days.  it still hold to the fact that happiness is an illusion.  i hate life more then i like it.  ow that hurt, but the truth hurts.  Anyways.  i am happy about going to church today it will be fun.  God bless and merry CHRISTmas

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i look up at the stars and compare their wonder to my curiosity to the world around me.  an infinate mesh of serinety.  somtimes i wonder what it would be like to be held by a guy in a loving passionte way.  i hide my sheerness under a warm blanket.  today i went reclamation- a palce where i go to reclaim my masculine idenity.  i have just discovred a new secerate of rebirth.  the rennisance of God 


 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,- Titus 3:5

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My has the week gone by.  Only two days left until the weekend.  Life is going well.  Today was Its my Life day at extreme imapct.  One of the coach ladies gave her testimony, i can’t remmber her name- i know it is sad.  I have alot of work to do so yeah.  Poetry was cool today.  I am going to miss it at the end of the semester.  Again God bless all.


Words of Wisdom:






People will be rewarded for what they say, and they will also be rewarded for what they do.
Proverbs 12:14

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The flowers have come into full bloom on the side of the road of my mind.  The beatuy of God’s plan has been reaveled to me ever more.  I rejoice in his precepts.  I dance in the medows of Grace and sing in the valleys of sorrow for wheresoever I be God will be with me.  The citdles satan has built up have been demolished by the ferverent Spirit which I have given permission to do so.  All in all this has been my truth now life Words that will never fail, fall, or diminish: Hebrews 12:1-2 /God Disciplines His Sons /1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God/


What a spiritual revival that has taken place.  Also considering, I think I have found a paticular individual who can help me with the deep “blue” mess. I am looking forward to God’s grace and insight on the ever coming days.  


Physically speaking I need to seek out medial attention in order to secure a flemy health issue


The snow was mostly melted already today.  It was wet and cold and stratus clouds laid over the sky like one enormous prall.  I have come to realize how unBiblicle much of Rennisance age thouhgt is.  The Humanistic and Inidivualistic thougts of the “rebirth” era were all about “man can do it on his own” and the glorification of mankind versus humbility which is so important for a Godly soceity. 


“Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.” William Shakespear (Julias Ceaser).  We are just starting the reading of Julias Ceaser in Communication Arts II.  I look forward to further exploration of Shakespear’s works.  After all, he was possibly most infuential English writer of all time.


Just think how amazing complex our body is.  It has 10^28 where the universe is known only to contain only about 10^20 stars makin our boddy 100 million times more complex then the known universe.  It sounds amazing impossible to just come about.  What a wonderful truth, we- as individuals- were all set apart by God as indivduals to make manifest our nature by rediscovering it in God. 


Just before I practiced the resonation of peace I had trig funtions and right triangles passing through my head.  Just think if the mysterys of the universe could be answered by numbers.  It is quite possible that it has some sort of symetricle beauty since the universe was created into order and design. 


Yes peace resonated today just before my rebirth hours.  Eventually Hebrew will be the medium of this piece.


I fought with Adam today.  We will fight again next week.  hehe, he is so picky with the sword.


I was Henry V today.  Into the breech once more, hehe. 😉


/A lone tree branch swings


 in the midst.  Crack.  The sound of


 a thousand budens/


I will try to write a haiku for every entery.  love to all.