Well, the eve of the new year is on its way and i am still stressing about hw. Jeesh. Well i am still in the up and am heading back in the meantime. i hope to make the show at copper rocks and thereafter go to church for the lock in. i have alot of work i have hardly started. eeek. For all thos wensday poets out there BE GENTLE.
its that music that just makes you feel good you feel you could enter heaven listening to it
then someone knocks on the door and tells you that you need varity or something and it becomes dull
kind of like life
i have to pee, if anyone cares.
lately i have found myself suspended in a mirkie mesh of doubt and despair. i wonder how many times i have been stuck here. i got Green Day’s new cd for christmas, American Idiot. it is quite nice. my current postition/location is the up (upper penissula of michigan). despite popular belief it is not that bad as long as you stay in escanaba. otherwise it is about 95% state and national forest flourising with deer, wolves and incest. Cold also but quaint and therefore relaxing in contrast to the despair welling up inside me. i am putting my hope in Jesus wich makes thing more better for me as he ordains peace with me in the midst of despair. Also, i am at my cousins house and they are watching Mars Attacks. I am beginning to grow in love all the more as i find that the more of it that is given the more there is, it, unlike material possesions, does not dispate or minimize in quanity as you give it out. oh yes, i have a recent new found romance with the song “sex and candy” or whatever it is called but hopefully you know what i am talking about.
Words of Encouragement: Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrew 13:5
We are moving know almost to midnight. Four minutes to the next day. Yet I stand petrified in time medditating on an agonizing state while watching marc jacobs new fasion show, quite nice. sleep is calling me and evermore i feel less and less part of this time. i don’t know what to do about all the work i have to do. i lied earlier. i do not have mr. pekem’s e-mail so i could not storm their and vent and i have yet to speak with him concerning a most impertinent castastrophe for me. i feel selfish often thinking of all the 5 million without homes or any possesions and thousand of dead family members. i hear their screams from the news, gfa and other mediums of communication. my mother and i got into an argument concerning me “acting gay” at a football game quite along time ago and me suppusdley liking a guy named dylan, who is actually a friend of mine but i have never like him like that. though he is sharp looking. anyways, my step dad is being an ass whole again and my dad, who was supposed to pick me up Christmas day did not call me until the evening and told me he was in the quad cities. he left that information in a message which i did return and it has been three days and he has not called me back even when i stated that he was to call me back in my message. oh hell. but what can i do. sometimes i wonder why i try so hard to make life seem pleasent. After the fight with my mom and step dad-all becuase i was doing hw at the table and the above mentined thing i went to the shower to get some peace and warmth and a place where tears were a natural part of the enviroment. i love everyone just like Jesus. kisses and hugs and seasons greetings
Words of Wisdom:
|The Truth is from thy Lord; so be not at all in doubt.|
oh i feel ever terrible
the consequences for going on the florida trip with my family are far over weighing any enjoying expierence i kind of had on the trip
i have so much work to do, missed valuble class work time and missed auditions for working which is the most disapointing trivalty of them all
i am marching now to the post box of Mr. Pekems e-mail to try and vent my sorrow
Well well. Christmas greetings to all
and i am better
Pastor Steve spoke of inner peace offered by Christ as we recive him as the Prince of Peace and his peace itself. The peace of God which posses all understanding. God’s mercyi and blessing to all.
Words of Wisdom:
|People will talk about your disgrace forever. To the honored, dishonor is worse than death.|
I just came back from Florida and actually I am really depressed. I enjoyed the stay but I have way to much work to make up AND most important i missed auditions for working. Ahhhh!!!! On top of I had a not-so-fun talk with my mom and step dad about my dad. whoopie, whats new. i am getting used to glumy days. it still hold to the fact that happiness is an illusion. i hate life more then i like it. ow that hurt, but the truth hurts. Anyways. i am happy about going to church today it will be fun. God bless and merry CHRISTmas