Monthly Archives: June 2005

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oh dear. did i ever birthday yesterday. some of my family and i went to katu-ya for a supurb meal.  absoulutley succulent swordfish.  and then some.  tonight is birthday with my mom and family so of to jonethans italion bistro.  i feel like a glutten.  oh love. oh joy. oh sweet serenity.

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It is a glamorous wensday and here I am.  and the truth for me today is : “Attitude is extremely important to me.  IF you want my help, the first thing you need to do is come to me with the right spirit.  Don’t be afraid to seek me out, but alwasy make sure you do it with a humble attitude rather than demanding my help because you think you deserve it.” challenge notes on 2 Chronicles 7:14.  It is unfortuneate but I have been quick to anger; at myself, my family and even friends.  I am devoting today to the control of anger.  Anger is not sin but it often leads to it.  “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.”  Proverbs 29:22  Therefor being in anger is in reproch of the enemy and not benificial to the common goal, to seek the Kingdom of God in/and Christ.  So may it be true today and for time to come “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.  Ephesians 4:26  In faith, love and hope


edit: for all of those who do that thing. can you pray for the AIM team from fvcf and the a church in the up.  we are heading to Lima, Peru this month.  Prayer is needed and is neccesary for sucess for reaching the people and community there. 

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well its summer so i figure it will be more of this xanga stuff.  well the triatholon was a success thanks to the Lord and Deb.  Bridget got second for her gender and division so send her props.  It was fun, it was really beutiful.  tonight there are graduation parties going on all around me and well, i know nothing of when and were they are so i am not going anywere, and it is kind of sad. because this is the first time friends of mine i have known for more thean a couple of years or moving on.  i will miss them more than is nice to cope with.  i hate being depressed,  i am not really depressed but just sad about it.

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I know it is long, please take the time to read it.


 


a friday night alone with God.  slipping in and out of sanity i bite my nails wondering and hoping everthing is worth it.  the frustration sometimes is overbearing and i hide under the covers.  i remember last year when i would go to bed and light the indgo watch under the covers becuasue i thought the glow was tranquil.  i remember being young, hiding from the darkness, in the darkness under the covers because for some reason i thought it was safer. sometimes i think about when i was young and i relize that i never really was young.  my youth was squelched.  as a child i felt weak and vunrable, i never wanted to be vunreble again so i wanted to grow up.  i wanted to grow up and forget it all. i wanted to forget it because i was ashamed.  that innocence of a child, i felt like i was an exception. i felt like a flower stepped on laying on the sidewalk, baking in the sun.  tyring to get up, to grow up.  but whithering in the heat of the world around me.  now i am here, trying to grow again. but also trying to understand me.  i “don’t like” children becuae i don’t understand them.  i don’t relate, i just act.  i just act nice.  sometimes i feel like i do an awful lot of acting. not good acting. acting out my life.  what mask will i put on today.  these masks are not put on becuse of other people like would be assumed. it is not to “fit in,” it is to reconcile myself to myself.  I have been straving myself from God’s word as of late.  catching only a few verses a day loosing the pages i used to eat up so.  Jesus is the word.  He said He was the Bread of Life.  The true manna from Heaven.  therefore word=bread and we eat spirtualy on bread and drink the “living waters” by prayer.  for it says that prayer is like the water which sustains life.  I need to return to the brook, soak in the water open picnick basket.  I just want to write something to those who read about God.  God is not far away in heaven.  He is here and wants to be with us.  we have heard of God from the mouths of hypocrits, the voices of bigots and the whispers of the self-righteous.  We have heard of him but many have not known him.  Religion the church, the horde of hypcrits, bigots do not listen to them not for one minute. do not be decived.  do not listen to the words of the church of the religion and confuse it with God.  Don’t forsake God becuae you have confused him religion, or the conservative right or the hypocrits or the church.  Give God a chance.  To approch God we have to acknoweldge that we are sinners.  We are human, are we not? this is not hard.  John 3:16 and 17 says: “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.”  I am asking you out of the uboundance of my heart, take a look at God and what he wants for you, with you. an intimate relsationship matched by no other. an unconditional love beyond measure.  and a solid truth, a peace beyond fathom.  I would love to talk to any of you readers about this God. do not be bashful do not dismiss me for anouther “forcer of religion.” i don’t care about your religion.  i care about your hearts, your eternity.  an i care that you have the abundant lfie God promises.  Dear friends call me and i will come out and seek you.  I will introduce you to this God who is.  who is not the God of hypcirts, bigots. not a God of condemnation but of love and grace. in romans it says “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” and in john, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”  yes, come speak with me.  I will show you this salvation which is given freely.

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well, “here i am and the children God has given me”. i think that is the right quote but i have no idea why it came to mind.  pherhaps it is becasue i met a bunch of neet people at the monkey wrench.  it was fun.  well, i don’t know what else to write.  God is cool.  I kind of feel distant though, like i am drownding and i see him on the other side of the water.  The good thing is he is not letting go.  “He will never leave you or forsake you.”  So then, I’m not letting go either.  anyways for those of you who do that thing pray for me and my realationship with God it would be much apprciated.