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and i quote myself; “i have this awful feeling about going back to kimbelry like all the choir/theater people are going to ostrasize me becasue i left. and more, what if become like fodder.  i just feel like they may have there established click and i just don’t fit.  hell its kimbelry. no offesne to any kimabelianites.  but i can’t stand the clickiness. those stupid unwritten rules about who can hang out with who.  nobody is really accepted.  everything must be carfully anayzed before spoken in fear of condemnation. i can’t even ask to hang out with someone and i get that stare like who the hell are you.”


I don’t know if it really just because I left because I was not really ever in Kimberly’s clicks.  I could always see it, and I see it now even more.  At Kimberly I always have the feeling like I am on the outside looking in.  Except for a few, I have no real friends. I see plastic people walk rather empty hallways.  I don’t mean to be harsh or offend anyone but i don’t think people understand how much it hurts to be let out all the time.  Tonight Megan drooled poison all over me.  She said that she thinks I lie alot and that I just try to get attention.  Plastic people.  She does not even know me, she never has and in that short time when we were getting to know each other she thought it would be fun to step on me.  I tried to ignore it.  It was peroird in my life were I did not really have any friends, I was stuggling with my sexuality and my faith and i desperatly needed help.  I mean after years of being on the outside, often alone its not ok for me to try and find friends?  I guess I just don’t understand her reasoning, after all she gave no justification so I guess there is no logic or reason.  and i don’t lie often.  I am human, so i am not perfect but I really don’t ever lie except on those rare times were my grade depended on it.  which does not make it point. anyways, lie? was that the first thing that came to her mind.  its not just her, its her in a series of events that just make me cold inside.  I guess peolple don’t realize how much their sharp words hurt.  Thank God my mom actually understands and I am most likely west bound at semester.  I seriously don’t even know why I tried to optomistic about coming back to kimberly.  unless some drastic change were to happen in my socail life at kimberly i am gone for sure.  treated like an equal. beloning, not just on the outside looking in.  not be pre-judged.  not being streotyped.  not being made fun off. no being respected. not being laughed at.  not being the class joke.  not being.  the sad thing is i am not really making this up.  it might be nice if i was a chronic liar and just made these things up so people would feel bad for me but its the truth.  i guess this is my last plea before i just fold.  i don’t want people to be sorry for me but i would be lieing if i was not saying that need help from people, i need to feel like i belong.

About minuiperiannath

Name: Spencer Wentland College: North Central University Year: Senior Major:Intercultural Studies My story of meeting Jesus in short: Not many weeks after I was born my parents baptized me into the Christian faith at First English Lutheran Church in my hometown, Appleton, WI. There they renewed their promises to renounce the devil and his ways, the world and evil and raise me the same way teaching me to love and fear the Lord, the Lord's Prayer, the Ten Commandments, the Creeds and when of reading age to put the Holy Bible in my hands and all the while, with the church community, instruct me in the Christian faith. My parents weren't perfect but they did fulfill the vows they made at my baptism. I had my own more personal experience with the Lord around the age of seven when I followed Jesus out of the Gospels to a "quiet, lonely place" in my backyard with the hope to do whatever Jesus did there. Without realizing it or ever being taught how to "receive Jesus into your heart" it happened quite like that even seeing a mental vision of Jesus and knowing I need to welcome him into my heart and let him sit on the throne of my life. I've never been the same since then and the Lord has kept his promise to be with me "always." I confirmed what my parents chose for me in a public confession of faith and the ritual of believer's baptism at a local swimming school where the Assemblies of God church my mom attends used to do their baptisms. I've never regretted a life with Jesus; life has always been richer, deeper and fuller because of it. About Me: Ha that's a funny question, and a popular one today. Well, if you really want to know "all about me" you will have to meet me. For starters I am hard to put in simple categories and often find myself tumbling between labels; i.e. introverted and extroverted, strong and weak, intuitive yet a rationalist, introspective and social, unique and individual yet needing people and empathetic. I belong to and am part of the Way and that is probably the most defining important part of my being. (Acts 24:14) As a God lover in the Way of Jesus Christ I long to see and embrace all things and people in his love for his glory. Creative people and places energize me. I enjoy and appreciate art and artists and like to contribute and collaborate in making my own art at times. I need my own time and spend a lot of time in contemplation- this is where I get recharged and new vision and vitality for life. A con of my personality is my ill attempts to understand everything about everything. At the same time I also get energy from others and love to be sociable. I make matrix like connections in my mind and although my comments often are perceived as random too me they are very connected to something. To me connection and harmony are very important and I believe the truth brings that out. The last few years have been filled with learning, studying and meeting wonderful people. Copenhagen, Escanaba, Nagasaki, and now back to Minneapolis! So excited to learn, grow and finish my last year at university! Call: I feel strongly called by the Lord to work and give myself as missionary of love to the Japanese people. As the Lord leads I hope to take a missionary assignment through ELCA Global Mission teaching English and serving in congregational mission and leadership in Japan. Eventually I would like to serve as an apostolic worker planting boiler rooms (missional/monastic communities) around the Japanese archipelago with a bunch of other Jesus lovers in international, incarnational bands of friends. About this blog: This blog is for my Church Administration and Personal Finance class. I'm looking forward to interesting and practical conversation and learning that will help develop my leadership and organizational skills for however and whatever takes shape out of the Lord's call.

16 responses »

  1. Oh god, I should probably get help with this poisonous drool I got going on. You know, I really don’t have to like anyone I don’t want to. I don’t hate you, I just don’t feel comfortable around you, nor do I wish do “hang out” with you. I speak for myself, no one else may share my opinion, but that is what it is, my opinion. I never stepped on you, stopping being dramatic, and get over it. Done.

  2. It’s kimberly. Enough said, I’m sure it’s at every highschool. Teens are dumb, I’m dumb, we’re all dumb. Let’s celebrate our stupidity.

  3. Spencer, Spencer, Spencer. I felt the same way when I was in high school and no matter what you do it’s going to be the same anywhere. I wasn’t able to switch schools or anything like you. Maybe God is trying to test you right now in your life. Maybe he wants you to draw closer to him without people trying to detract you. There is a bible verse that I memorized a couple of weeks ago. It’s Romasn 12:5 (NLT) Since we are all in one body in christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the other. It’s so good and if you mediate on that God will speak to your heart. People right now probably don’t seem like they need a friend like you. Because you are so caring and they might not know how to show it back.  No matter what you belong to a community whether it’s church or school or drama club or anything. There are people around you that care, you might not see it, and they might not express it but people care about you and love you. GOD LOVES YOU. In my senior year, I felt like I didn’t need anybody because I knew I had the best friend ever, God and so I didn’t really try to have friends at school. God will befriend you through anything. If you just trust him and continue to read his word. And after high school things will get better. Believe me. Young Adults are the coolest people ever. I went to a young adult retreat and they were the coolest people I met. They included everybody. They didn’t leave anybody out of a game. So Things will get better. High School is the hardest time to get through but just be strong. I hope these encouraging words help you. Another verse that I learned last week was Encourage one another and build each other up. 1 Thes. 5:11 And I tried to build you up. Keep Believing and being Strong in your school for Christ. God Bless. Love Always, Ashley

  4. hey, dude thats life and frankly your not gonna accomplish anything buy well basically running away to west. i’ve dealt w/ all the kimberly drama and NOBODY liking me for TEN YEARS!!!!!!!!!! and it still hasn’t stopped and im not saying ur weak or anything but i’ve always had this deep desire to stick it out and come back one day and say “ha i never was popular or part of the clicks but guess what im happy so … (bad words that u probably don’t wanna hear)…” cuz franky it would rock 2 just come back and tel everyone that they can kiss my butt. i don’t knw mayb that’s just me, but i’ll tell u one thing i have this deep disire to prove to everyone that frankly im a great person and if they can’t c it i don’t give a crap. i guess u could say im strong i mean there have been plenty of times when i seriously considered ending my life or running away but im still here and im still standing tall. take my words however u want but spenc i luv u u r one of my favorite ppl in the world. ur never afraid to be who u r and show ur beliefs and both me and bri would miss u dearly! well try and have a nice day and remember u r loved and not just by ‘God’ but by ppl here on earth as well.
    kt

  5. They are having us memorize whatever we understand the best. Everyverse we memorize we have to look it up in different verison so a parallel bible is awesome for that. A parallel bible is a bible where it has four different verses in one book so if you don’t really understand a verse in NLT you might understand it better in King James, or NIV. I love parallel bibles. I’m thinking of buying one at the christian book store here. It’s really handy to use. Talk to you later, Ashley

  6. Spencer I have met you only once but i found you to be a very kind person.  You have more friends than you think.  You don’t even know me but i think we should hang out sometime in school.

  7. Not trying to be mean, but I felt the same way. Not accepted, but I actually started to talk to people and I hang out with them a lot.  People don’t like you not because your gay, but because you try and push your faith on everyone.  You may not think so, but to us, that is what it is.  Keep the bible away from us at school.  If they want to hear you read it to them, thats another story, do it on your own time.  Don’t think that it’s your sexuallity because it isn’t.  You often think you are better than people and it annoys us.  If you are so much better than……(rant rant rant)
    You get the picture.  These aren’t words of hate, although you will probably take it that way, but I am telling you how i feel and what I hear from people.  I WILL SAY IT TO YOUR FACE!!!  Unlike you who talks behind my back saying I think I am so much better than people.  I couldn’t think farther from that.  It is confidence, not cockyness.  And if your so sick of the clicks in the show, QUIT AND QUIT BITCHING!!  It is so annoying.
    Take these words as a guide,  the bible mostly because it doesn’t belong in school.  And I am through.

  8. By the way anything you say to Alyssa, I WILL hear, no matter how much simpathy she has for you.  I can get over the shittyness of kimberly, so SUCK IT UP AND DEAL!!

  9. hey there bud long time no talk..i finally found ur xanga! anyways i hope life is good for u ur a really cool kid n i think alot of people see that but are to stereotypical to invite u in..no matter where u go u cant escape lifes problems cuz if u dont create them for urself someone will create them for you…no matter wht jus hang in there bud cuz God is with you and will never give u somethin u cant handle!! u iknow im always here if ya need to talk..jus holla at me!! lata bud..betsy

  10. Spencer maybe you have to think a little harder to freshman year when for at least a month I would have considered you a friend. 
    I never said you were pushing your faith on us, but that it comes off that way.  Alyssa told me like the second day about how you feel about me, and the arrogance ect. so yes you did this year.  Shittyness meaning clicks.  We all know that it’s here.  Plus, you have tried to read the bible to someone without them asking, talk to Machelle about that. 
    And yes I do talk to you like I am annoyed at you because I am.  I only feel that way because you are so hypocritical, like last year when you told people to be quite, and you would go and talk during choir.  It’s not that I hate you it’s the fact that you can’t see any of these situations from others points of view.  If you saw the way you are/can be it is just as bad as me trying to help you out.  That is what I am doing.  People do get annoyed at you, they get annoyed at me, but you take it harder.  I am just trying to tell you the way others see things. 

  11. i agree with luke spencer u sit and bitch at people and you tell BAILEY TO SHUT UP WHEN SHE SAID NOTHING… I WAS THE ONE THAT TOLD YOU TO MOVE. SO IF YOUR GUNNA TELL SOMEONE TO SHUT UP TELL ME TO SHUT UP. AND I DONT LIKE YOU AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. SO STOP TRYING TO TALK TO ME OR SOCIALIZE WITH ME CUZ ILL JUST IGNORE YOU AND I DONT HATE YOU CUZ UR GAY, ITS THE SAME REASONS AS LUKE UR JUST ANNOYING AND ASSUME THINGS THAT HAVENT EVEN BEEN TALKED ABOUT AND IF I FIND OUT U SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME WHICH YOU HAVE BEFORE AND DONT LIE U WILL HAVE HELL TO PAY AND WHEN IM TALKING TO LYDIA DONT COME OVER BY US SHE THINKS YOUR ANNOYING TOO AND U FREAK HER OUT WHEN U ASK HER TO DRINK FROM THE BUBBLER WITH HER AT THE SAME TIME? WUT THE HECK IS THAT AND WERE SICK OF YOUR RELIGION CRAP A LOT OF PEOPLE AT SCHOOL DONT EVEN BELIEVE IN THAT SO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. AND YOU CANT CHANGE BEING GAY, UR MADE THAT WAY … I WAS MADE STRAIGHT U WERE MADE GAY AND U CANT CHANGE THAT. SO GET OVER IT AND IF UR TRYING TO CHANGE TO STRAIGHT CUZ WE DONT LIKE U QUIT CUZ ITS NOT GUNNA WORK WE DONT CARE IF UR GAY OR NOT. AND MEGHAN REED IS ONE OF THE NICEST PEOPLE IVE MET MAYBE ITS THE WAY U TREAT HER. U NEED TO START LOOKING AT THINGS INA DIFFERENT POSITION. AND SO WHAT IF THERE ARE CLICKS AT OUR SCHOOL GO FIND ONE THAT U BELONG IN AND STOP WHINING  

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