Depressing writing

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No writing is depressing writing.  Today I thought I found a long lost journle full of my early writing and poems.  It was the first jounle in which my idenity as a writer started to materialize, my identiy as a poet, a haiku poet and when i started to finally get comfortable with my own voice.  In all honesty it feels like over the last two years i have lost a lot; a lot of creativity, a lot of passion, a lot of ambition.  its sad, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.  i also realized today that one of the major reasons i have not invested much in the arts is that there has been little money to do so.  anyways, i can always write and i have not been.  after i lost that journle i felt like i had lost part of myself, part of myself for a writer.  my english teacher told me maybe i lost it for a reason.  i don’t know, maybe but for good or bad?  my commitment to blog my exeripiance in europe over the next year has got by back to thinking about writing.  i really want to get back into it.  one of my teachers said i need to schedual it in or it wont happen. bosh.  i know he is right, and the summer is over again.  no short stories, no plays just a lot of blank pages and wasted time. 

on top of this i have had a lot to refelct about the past. my whole high school experiance, the back and forth, the reni-saince and chop chop.  gut goot and bland blah.  gosh.  there are so many people, wonderful people, and times and memories and so many suckie ones too.  damn.  i don’t usuelly swear but it was just the only way to put it.  i feel damnd up, like i have all this in me brewed up waiting to be let out to stream out to fall on pages and portraits and in song and lyric with rythem and dance and sweet erotic discourse.  so much, so so much.  i need God, so much.  I need the Holy Spirit to walk me through this. to let out the dam trickle by trickle so it can be all dealt with, so it doesn’t overflow, burst or worse… become stagnant, spoil and rot.  it needs to be moving, like the river Jordan.  it needs to flow and move, to clean and be cleaned in.  to shape landscapes and cut through rocky places.  to find its place in the True Vine, in the river of the Spirit.  this is my experiances, this is so much of who I am and and i am going to let out the damn little by little in bits and pieces through lyric and mealody with art and dialouge, in isolation, community and in the public spaces.  may i be a flower, a river and song for my neigbors to grace their sight, cool their feet, find drink and make merry dance.  and not me alone but me as one born of the Spirit, a child of God, his priest, ambassoder and intercessor.   always being rained on, growing, washed, overflowed, inspired filled up by the Spirit of God so that people don’t just exeriance me but him and that is what is good.  For no one is good except God and I am holy only because he has made me holy. 

 

In him,

 

In the Spirit, through the Son to the Father…I pray, live and offer my song to him

From the Father through the Son by His Spirit… I am transformed, made able and sing my song to them that they may hear, turn and believe.

 

In him forever and to him all glory and praise!

 

Amen.

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About minuiperiannath

Name: Spencer Wentland College: North Central University Year: Senior Major:Intercultural Studies My story of meeting Jesus in short: Not many weeks after I was born my parents baptized me into the Christian faith at First English Lutheran Church in my hometown, Appleton, WI. There they renewed their promises to renounce the devil and his ways, the world and evil and raise me the same way teaching me to love and fear the Lord, the Lord's Prayer, the Ten Commandments, the Creeds and when of reading age to put the Holy Bible in my hands and all the while, with the church community, instruct me in the Christian faith. My parents weren't perfect but they did fulfill the vows they made at my baptism. I had my own more personal experience with the Lord around the age of seven when I followed Jesus out of the Gospels to a "quiet, lonely place" in my backyard with the hope to do whatever Jesus did there. Without realizing it or ever being taught how to "receive Jesus into your heart" it happened quite like that even seeing a mental vision of Jesus and knowing I need to welcome him into my heart and let him sit on the throne of my life. I've never been the same since then and the Lord has kept his promise to be with me "always." I confirmed what my parents chose for me in a public confession of faith and the ritual of believer's baptism at a local swimming school where the Assemblies of God church my mom attends used to do their baptisms. I've never regretted a life with Jesus; life has always been richer, deeper and fuller because of it. About Me: Ha that's a funny question, and a popular one today. Well, if you really want to know "all about me" you will have to meet me. For starters I am hard to put in simple categories and often find myself tumbling between labels; i.e. introverted and extroverted, strong and weak, intuitive yet a rationalist, introspective and social, unique and individual yet needing people and empathetic. I belong to and am part of the Way and that is probably the most defining important part of my being. (Acts 24:14) As a God lover in the Way of Jesus Christ I long to see and embrace all things and people in his love for his glory. Creative people and places energize me. I enjoy and appreciate art and artists and like to contribute and collaborate in making my own art at times. I need my own time and spend a lot of time in contemplation- this is where I get recharged and new vision and vitality for life. A con of my personality is my ill attempts to understand everything about everything. At the same time I also get energy from others and love to be sociable. I make matrix like connections in my mind and although my comments often are perceived as random too me they are very connected to something. To me connection and harmony are very important and I believe the truth brings that out. The last few years have been filled with learning, studying and meeting wonderful people. Copenhagen, Escanaba, Nagasaki, and now back to Minneapolis! So excited to learn, grow and finish my last year at university! Call: I feel strongly called by the Lord to work and give myself as missionary of love to the Japanese people. As the Lord leads I hope to take a missionary assignment through ELCA Global Mission teaching English and serving in congregational mission and leadership in Japan. Eventually I would like to serve as an apostolic worker planting boiler rooms (missional/monastic communities) around the Japanese archipelago with a bunch of other Jesus lovers in international, incarnational bands of friends. About this blog: This blog is for my Church Administration and Personal Finance class. I'm looking forward to interesting and practical conversation and learning that will help develop my leadership and organizational skills for however and whatever takes shape out of the Lord's call.

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