Why I identify as ex-gay.

Standard

“one of the unpardonable sins, in the eyes of most people, is for a man to go about unlabeled. The world regards such a person as the police do an unmuzzled dog, not under proper control.”
T.H. Huxley, “Evolution and Ethics,” 1893

I should make a brief note that I don’t think “ex-gay” is a good label, as it is labeling something that shouldn’t be labled, canned and packaged-human sexuality.  Nevertheless, I use it to give a quick and simple answer to those who want one and it probalbly the best, yet still poor, response who wants an answer to your sexuality in the modern understanding of “label everything please.”  I also oppose it on the basis that as Christians our identiy if never in our sin and our old lives or in our sexuality but in Christ.  At somepoint when I am further removed from same-sex struggles I will abandon this label and be glad about it.  I am not embaressed of my sexuality, struggles with sexuality or my former identification as gay but for the above reasons I will be glad to abandon it.  there.

Why I identify myself as ex-gay.

Can you be ex-gay? well yes, I am. The reason the gay community is so against the idea that you can change your sexuality is because that means it is not geneitic, or majorly genitic. If it is not geneitc or inborn it is not a civil rights issues and there is no basis for arguments for gay marriage, adoption or even viewing the gay lifestyle or realtionships as the same as that of heterosexual couples. It doesn’t really matter, however, what the gay community wants to belive about change- people are changing. I am one of many. I understand that ex-gay really isn’t the best way to describe my sexuality but it is the most simple. I am not gay, I am not straight or bi and not asexual. then what am I? I am the salt of the earth, I am a child of God. I don’t find my idenity in my sexuality but in Jesus Christ. Why do I call myself ex-gay then? again, it gives a simple answer to a person who wants a quick modern, constuctulized answer. i don’t really think in terms of sexual orientation because i don’t really believe in them. our sexulity as humans is much more molten then that and often stems from masculine and femmine shifts withing our soul. it also reflects the exprieances we have had concerning gender and masuclinity growing up.

How I am not gay.

well first of all if I am a follower of Jesus calling myself gay is really kind of contradictory because it is clinging to a label that refers to a lifestyle and habbits that displease God. I am not however bound to my sexual label. homosexulity is a repsentation of many ways in which we as human’s are broken. when I gave my life to Christ I was born again, the old things passed away and the new things came. i live in liberty from sin and so calling myself gay would be in a way binding me to that old life. Does this means Jesus doesn’t welcome gay people? By no means, in fact he pleads all the more to us/them so that he can be the healer of our souls and our sexual brokeness and resotore our idenity of whom we were created to be. since i gave Jesus permission to work healing in my and longed to follow him in discovering who he created me to be it was never about me becoming straight. it was about, God i have felt like in different ways i rejected my father, i have felt abandonment from him at times, what do i do with all the sexual confusion and pain brought on by the my molestation when i was four, what about rejection from male peers and me making my mother and female friends as role models will you sift through this all with me. will you please heal the plain. and the glorious thing is God has spoken and showed me were we was in all of this, and he has done real healing. its so amazing i don’t even know how to describe. there is such joy and freedom I have in being set free from the things from the past. as a result i have began to discover who i am as a male and how to apporiotly have a relationship with other men. i have started to long to eventually get married and have kids with my future wife and have started discovering the the mystery of he femine mystque. its quite beautiful how God has desighned us. in all this i don’t want to see you socially corrected- i could really care less what society thinks. i just want to see you healed and transformed into all that God made you to be. don’t take this as me saying oh God healed me of my homosexuality but rather throught the healing of my past and the enlightening of who I am made to be and who indeed i really am my sexual orientation has shifted. and the title gay/homosexual makes no sense.

why i am not straight.

part of this has to do with my tiff about labels but mostly because i am not exclusivly attracted to women, but am in a very different way that has been graciously untainted by lust. it is a very pure attraction that i hope to keep that way with the help of my Lord and Savoir. it is a very young way of seeing women because previously i had closed them off from the romance world. but for the most part things are the same becasue i am not looking to date anyone- i just notice attractable traits.

why i am not bisexual.

bisexual suggests i am content with attractions to men and women and will just pick whichever one i want when the time comes. if God intends me to marry it is a women in that we were chosen to become one. it isn’t just whoever i pick and it certaintly is not a male. am at crossroads and a shift which is why i used to tell many i am a Christian walking out of homosexuality becuase it represents motion but now that i no longer claim a homosexual title that no longer makes sense. my sexual attractions to men are always lustful and never acceptable, it is impossible for a homosexual attraction to not be lustful because you are always looking for something out of that person, trying to take some of their manness from them in one way or another this is true. you never are giving yourself to them. look at yaoi, most stories revolve around one guy manipulating the other. i am not trying to call you out as so bad, i have the same stuggles. realize however, true love is never selfish and question your motives next time you think about a boy in a sexual way. bisexual also suggests i am ready to have a sexual relationship with women. who said i was ready for anything sexual anyways? i havn’t even got all of myself figured out yet, yet alone trying to confound that with trying to understand another person and how i they fit together.

why i am not asexual.

if i was truely asexual i would have no sexual or emotional attractions- this is not true therefore i can’t be asexual. this does a good job of explaining however that i am chaste- i am take a step away from sexual urges and tides becasue my view of sexuality has been so jaeded by my molestation expreiances, homosexual feelings, lustful fantisies, pornography and homoerotic encounters.

Being ex-gay is not being in denial

I could say that being gay is in denial in a way, but that is not compassionate and i don’t really think that being gay is a concious form of denial. However I am not in denial. I am actually discovering who I really am without he lies Satan coming from my past deiveing me into thinking of myself that which i am not- inadequate as a male, not really as good as the hot guy overthere and the lie that i can somehow be sexually and relationally satisfied with the hot male over there.

what does it mean to be ex-gay?

“What is the meaning of this term that many people are using to announce that their life has been changed? To begin to understand the meaning of “ex-gay”, we can correlate it with the sanctification process described in I Cor 1:10, “Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us.”

The ex-gay knows that something has definitely happened in his life. Change has come. Perhaps the most important change is that he has come into agreement with God that homosexuality “misses the mark” which is the definition of sin. Attitudes have also changed, so that what was once called “love” is now seen as possessiveness. The ex-gay can agree with Paul, that he has been delivered.

So there is now a new position in Christ, where the ex-gay is freed from sin by the atoning blood of Jesus on the cross. God now views that person through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. At the same time, the change that we are experiencing is also a process of growth that goes along day by day, even minute by minute. ” -Frank Worthen

I am not depressed and since i have become ex-gay i have never been depressed like i was when i claimed gay identity. in fact i could say that i am also free of depression.

 

I should note that this was excerpt was taken from a blog discussion I had with a friend of mine so if it sounds extra-converational and “as in resopsne” thats why.  Also, the part of “what does it mean to be ex-gay” is not mine but taken from a newletter I subscribe to, the author is given. 

 

Grace and peace,

Spencer

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About minuiperiannath

Name: Spencer Wentland College: North Central University Year: Senior Major:Intercultural Studies My story of meeting Jesus in short: Not many weeks after I was born my parents baptized me into the Christian faith at First English Lutheran Church in my hometown, Appleton, WI. There they renewed their promises to renounce the devil and his ways, the world and evil and raise me the same way teaching me to love and fear the Lord, the Lord's Prayer, the Ten Commandments, the Creeds and when of reading age to put the Holy Bible in my hands and all the while, with the church community, instruct me in the Christian faith. My parents weren't perfect but they did fulfill the vows they made at my baptism. I had my own more personal experience with the Lord around the age of seven when I followed Jesus out of the Gospels to a "quiet, lonely place" in my backyard with the hope to do whatever Jesus did there. Without realizing it or ever being taught how to "receive Jesus into your heart" it happened quite like that even seeing a mental vision of Jesus and knowing I need to welcome him into my heart and let him sit on the throne of my life. I've never been the same since then and the Lord has kept his promise to be with me "always." I confirmed what my parents chose for me in a public confession of faith and the ritual of believer's baptism at a local swimming school where the Assemblies of God church my mom attends used to do their baptisms. I've never regretted a life with Jesus; life has always been richer, deeper and fuller because of it. About Me: Ha that's a funny question, and a popular one today. Well, if you really want to know "all about me" you will have to meet me. For starters I am hard to put in simple categories and often find myself tumbling between labels; i.e. introverted and extroverted, strong and weak, intuitive yet a rationalist, introspective and social, unique and individual yet needing people and empathetic. I belong to and am part of the Way and that is probably the most defining important part of my being. (Acts 24:14) As a God lover in the Way of Jesus Christ I long to see and embrace all things and people in his love for his glory. Creative people and places energize me. I enjoy and appreciate art and artists and like to contribute and collaborate in making my own art at times. I need my own time and spend a lot of time in contemplation- this is where I get recharged and new vision and vitality for life. A con of my personality is my ill attempts to understand everything about everything. At the same time I also get energy from others and love to be sociable. I make matrix like connections in my mind and although my comments often are perceived as random too me they are very connected to something. To me connection and harmony are very important and I believe the truth brings that out. The last few years have been filled with learning, studying and meeting wonderful people. Copenhagen, Escanaba, Nagasaki, and now back to Minneapolis! So excited to learn, grow and finish my last year at university! Call: I feel strongly called by the Lord to work and give myself as missionary of love to the Japanese people. As the Lord leads I hope to take a missionary assignment through ELCA Global Mission teaching English and serving in congregational mission and leadership in Japan. Eventually I would like to serve as an apostolic worker planting boiler rooms (missional/monastic communities) around the Japanese archipelago with a bunch of other Jesus lovers in international, incarnational bands of friends. About this blog: This blog is for my Church Administration and Personal Finance class. I'm looking forward to interesting and practical conversation and learning that will help develop my leadership and organizational skills for however and whatever takes shape out of the Lord's call.

4 responses »

  1. Spencer, this is an awesome post.  Hold on to it.  You say so much here that can be shared with others.  I wish I had this thought out like you do at your age.  I am very blessed to read this, and am impressed by the character that God is developing in you.  Thanks for posting this and for speaking up.    Jeff

  2. Hey Spencer,
    I would have to agree with Jeff. You show a maturity well beyond your years and there are so many truths to reflect upon and pass around in this post. Looks like Tim’s prayer in the previous post really helped!
    RYC- Yes, I keep running the race. For me it is important not only to start well but also to finish the marathon and getting back up whenever I feel like quitting.
    Tommy

  3. I’m really glad that you have such a full and complete understanding of where you’re at with this. In all sins, it’s very difficult to take an objective appraisal of where you’re at and commune with God over how you can keep moving forward. It seems like what God has in store for you is going to stem from this- has to stem from this because it’s such a revolutionary idea.Often times people will try, as you mentioned, to justify this and even other sins as genetic difference as inconsequential as eye-color. But you, and your testimony, are proof that this is not so. And for many people it could change their lives. So many people in this world define their lives by sexual appeasement because they don’t understand what life is about. You reveal in so many ways to the struggling, unhappy homosexual that life is about so much more, that God has a purpose for us that we can’t define on our own. Very well written, you’ve expressed yourself magnificently. Would you mind if I reference this to some of my friends in the future? not soon, to be sure, perhaps farther off? Just leave a comment on my blog if it’s ok with you.

  4. This is a great post. It extends beyond just the ‘gay’ issue or homosexuality. It really has a basis for all sexual sin or sins of the flesh. I was horrifically sexual in college and paired it down and have even gotten married. Yes I have always been faithful to my wife and I have never had an affair. But for years I was conflicted with internal struggles about my sexuality, my desires for women and even stray thoughts that took me outside of that. It had to be brought to a line and you have really laid down that here in your blog. Its truth and it is also hard to face but freedom can start to come when it is faced. This isgood stuff. I wish I heard it 12 years ago.

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