Monthly Archives: July 2008

emotional tidal wave in a bowling alley

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Last week Wednesday I went out bowling with friends of mine.  My best friend was there amongst some other good friends and I was expecting a good night.  In reality is was absurd.  I got paired with a bowling row with a bunch of people I didn’t really know that well and on top of that I was getting vibes of negativity from them.  Immediately I was disappointed and awkward at the same time.  I knew I was being ridiculous, I need to take advantage of this time with new people, to serve them and love them but I just felt so awkward and it felt like there were so many barriers, like I was being opposed.  I knew in my mind that the way I was feeling wasn’t right, but it was like this emotional tidal wave of downerisim just hit me.  I was depressed and I couldn’t enjoy myself.  I almost wanted to leave and pout to God.  I even prayed to God to change my attitude but in reality I just wouldn’t do it myself.  I was also very confused as to why I was so down.  It was strange.  It came out of nowwhere, like a bat out of hell.  I question, was I upset because I felt rejected from the group I knew?  Was I being possesive of my friend, and my friends?  I think both of these might have been present.  Espcieally the rejection, I have noticed this tendency in the past and knew why it was there but couldn’t seem to get over it.  I must remember that God always excepts me when I come to him, but not only does he accept me just for my own sake.  He accepts me to be sent out and be a whole person to serve those aroudn me in love.  That was not my attidute that night, it was about me, my wants my needs, my desires.  Lord have mercy on me and remind us all of our tendency gravitate inward on ourselves.  Instead may we be drawn out of ourselves through you and your power to be an expression of your love and a refelction of Christ to those in our midst wherever we are inside or whatever environment we are in whether bowling allies or in the midst of emtional tidal waves.

Peace,
Spencer

Touch

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What a mystical thing touch is.  I wonder if we will always wonder, while we are still here, why touch is so important and why it has such strong impressions and gravity on our souls.  I whisper on the wind, hushing words on the backs of leaves: “touch me.”  I then turn, and regret my own selfishness.  I wonder will I lie forever in this damp cave alone, huddled longing for the touch of one or someone.  And then I remember the sin of self-pity and my Lord’s touch that set me free.  And the cave and the darkness disappear, all a mirage.  Alone was I never, and never will I be and for an earthly companion I will wait but not for eternity.  For it is him above all who has set the stars in their place and he alone knows my days before me- for in his book is my destiny. 
I skip stones and glean at the shimmering light of the waters edge, I look out as the sun’s light falls down and the earth holds it up.  Spheres of his making, let the the whole earth rejoice He wants to touch us!