Monthly Archives: November 2008

Wrestling with loneliness and thoughts and Mary


If you are reading this from its orginal location you will notice that I changed the song in the background.  It is called Mary’s Song and comes from the opening chapter of the Gospel of Luke.  It was put to music by some brothers and sisters from solomons porch, a missional community in Miniapolis. 


Anyways, as the heading states I have been wrestling with loneliness.  In someways I know I will always experiance it in this world because I know there will always be people I have crossed pathes with that I treasure and love and their absecence feels like loneliness.  Other times, like now, it is just because I am not close to people.  I wont open up because of fear of rejection.  I walk around with a substitute of myself that I let the public, the people see around me but I am afraid to throw down my attempts to create my own image and let image of God come through as Christ works within me, shinging his light and renewing my being.  I fumble because I wont trust him, I wont trust the fact that God sees my loneliness and pain and thus longs to meet it.  I forget how great the fellowship of God is and that as my Father he will provide for me, including my relational needs for friends, community, intamacy, and conmpaionship.  Me deepest need is actually for him.  As I am begining to realize that walking life hand in hand with God is greatest reality of life, after all Jesus is the Life.  Glory be to him and to the Father and to the Holy Spirit, because He has been so good and so faithful,,, even when I am faithless. 

God you are true and you are here, and for that I thank you from the deepness of my heart I thank you.  You are the deepest treasure of my heart. 

With that in mind I wonder about Mary.  I wonder if she dealth with intamacy issues, rejection and loneliness when she was alienated from her community and even Joesph for sometime.  I wonder if she cried in her loneliness, even though her trust was much more total then ours.  I wonder what she felt in her times of lonliness in wonder that she would give birth to the savior of the world?  Was that terrifying, exciting?  What was it like to be with Jesus in that way, in her womb?  Can you imagine?  And yet God brought her a safe place to be, he took care of her, he met her needs.  For three monthes she was able to stay in the care and love of her realiative Elizabeth who said to her

“Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!” (Luke 1:45, NIV). 

“And Mary said…”




God bless,