Wrestling with loneliness and thoughts and Mary

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If you are reading this from its orginal location you will notice that I changed the song in the background.  It is called Mary’s Song and comes from the opening chapter of the Gospel of Luke.  It was put to music by some brothers and sisters from solomons porch, a missional community in Miniapolis. 

 

Anyways, as the heading states I have been wrestling with loneliness.  In someways I know I will always experiance it in this world because I know there will always be people I have crossed pathes with that I treasure and love and their absecence feels like loneliness.  Other times, like now, it is just because I am not close to people.  I wont open up because of fear of rejection.  I walk around with a substitute of myself that I let the public, the people see around me but I am afraid to throw down my attempts to create my own image and let image of God come through as Christ works within me, shinging his light and renewing my being.  I fumble because I wont trust him, I wont trust the fact that God sees my loneliness and pain and thus longs to meet it.  I forget how great the fellowship of God is and that as my Father he will provide for me, including my relational needs for friends, community, intamacy, and conmpaionship.  Me deepest need is actually for him.  As I am begining to realize that walking life hand in hand with God is greatest reality of life, after all Jesus is the Life.  Glory be to him and to the Father and to the Holy Spirit, because He has been so good and so faithful,,, even when I am faithless. 

God you are true and you are here, and for that I thank you from the deepness of my heart I thank you.  You are the deepest treasure of my heart. 

With that in mind I wonder about Mary.  I wonder if she dealth with intamacy issues, rejection and loneliness when she was alienated from her community and even Joesph for sometime.  I wonder if she cried in her loneliness, even though her trust was much more total then ours.  I wonder what she felt in her times of lonliness in wonder that she would give birth to the savior of the world?  Was that terrifying, exciting?  What was it like to be with Jesus in that way, in her womb?  Can you imagine?  And yet God brought her a safe place to be, he took care of her, he met her needs.  For three monthes she was able to stay in the care and love of her realiative Elizabeth who said to her

“Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!” (Luke 1:45, NIV). 

“And Mary said…”

 

 

 

God bless,

Spencer

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About minuiperiannath

Name: Spencer Wentland College: North Central University Year: Senior Major:Intercultural Studies My story of meeting Jesus in short: Not many weeks after I was born my parents baptized me into the Christian faith at First English Lutheran Church in my hometown, Appleton, WI. There they renewed their promises to renounce the devil and his ways, the world and evil and raise me the same way teaching me to love and fear the Lord, the Lord's Prayer, the Ten Commandments, the Creeds and when of reading age to put the Holy Bible in my hands and all the while, with the church community, instruct me in the Christian faith. My parents weren't perfect but they did fulfill the vows they made at my baptism. I had my own more personal experience with the Lord around the age of seven when I followed Jesus out of the Gospels to a "quiet, lonely place" in my backyard with the hope to do whatever Jesus did there. Without realizing it or ever being taught how to "receive Jesus into your heart" it happened quite like that even seeing a mental vision of Jesus and knowing I need to welcome him into my heart and let him sit on the throne of my life. I've never been the same since then and the Lord has kept his promise to be with me "always." I confirmed what my parents chose for me in a public confession of faith and the ritual of believer's baptism at a local swimming school where the Assemblies of God church my mom attends used to do their baptisms. I've never regretted a life with Jesus; life has always been richer, deeper and fuller because of it. About Me: Ha that's a funny question, and a popular one today. Well, if you really want to know "all about me" you will have to meet me. For starters I am hard to put in simple categories and often find myself tumbling between labels; i.e. introverted and extroverted, strong and weak, intuitive yet a rationalist, introspective and social, unique and individual yet needing people and empathetic. I belong to and am part of the Way and that is probably the most defining important part of my being. (Acts 24:14) As a God lover in the Way of Jesus Christ I long to see and embrace all things and people in his love for his glory. Creative people and places energize me. I enjoy and appreciate art and artists and like to contribute and collaborate in making my own art at times. I need my own time and spend a lot of time in contemplation- this is where I get recharged and new vision and vitality for life. A con of my personality is my ill attempts to understand everything about everything. At the same time I also get energy from others and love to be sociable. I make matrix like connections in my mind and although my comments often are perceived as random too me they are very connected to something. To me connection and harmony are very important and I believe the truth brings that out. The last few years have been filled with learning, studying and meeting wonderful people. Copenhagen, Escanaba, Nagasaki, and now back to Minneapolis! So excited to learn, grow and finish my last year at university! Call: I feel strongly called by the Lord to work and give myself as missionary of love to the Japanese people. As the Lord leads I hope to take a missionary assignment through ELCA Global Mission teaching English and serving in congregational mission and leadership in Japan. Eventually I would like to serve as an apostolic worker planting boiler rooms (missional/monastic communities) around the Japanese archipelago with a bunch of other Jesus lovers in international, incarnational bands of friends. About this blog: This blog is for my Church Administration and Personal Finance class. I'm looking forward to interesting and practical conversation and learning that will help develop my leadership and organizational skills for however and whatever takes shape out of the Lord's call.

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