Meditations in the Desert: Wander

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“Not all who wander are lost.”~ J.R.R. Tolkien

     Before I classify myself as a wanderer I must clarify what I mean exactly for the word “wanderer” tends to carry a negative nuance.  It might be paired with an adjective like “aimless” and pictures of the double minded man from the opening chapter of James epistle might come to mind.  Joyce Meyers, in her book Battlefield of the Mind, describes the “wandering, wondering mind” that focuses not and accomplishes little.  It is described as a restless condition of the mind that is not at rest, at peace and not conducive to receiving revelation from the Lord.  In short, it is not the “mind of Christ.” which we have received as gift and promise in the Holy Spirit of God. 

     I would be dishonest if I did not admit that at some place and level these types of “wandering” have characterized my life.  I have ADD and struggle with focus.  I have tried to grab hold of God yet have not let go of this world, my desires for it or of certain besetting sins that have kept me entangled.  Often in my inner being I refuse or find it very difficult to put my trust in God and rest in that confidence.  This is largely the condition in which my “awakening” arose.  My double-mindedness had kept me marching around the same mountain, paralyzed by unbelief and consequently inaction.  It is from the call “You have dwelt long enough on this mount, go take your journey” that I take up a new identity as a wanderer.  I also must be careful not to think I will no longer deal or struggle with the same things; but, with this new awakening I have a different operating principle in my life.  Faith and trust in God’s Word and call instead of in my own thoughts.  This is why I seek in the desert the glory of the crucified one; I seek the Word in flesh for my deliverance and victory. 

     In this new way of wandering I am wending my way to align with his way.  This is the New Testament understanding of faith, πιστις; i.e. to align oneself with.  I’m starting to pick up the pieces of a prayer I prayed a bit short of two years ago: I want to live a cruciform life.  A cruciform life is a life in the form of the cross, the real desire is to live in the way of Jesus, in the pattern of his life which has been so defined by the means of his temporary death.  I will stay in the desert as long as God wants me until I get and actualize the reality that I am his.  Perhaps while I’m here I’ll find my heart and reconnect to it as I continue mend my way to the heart of God and be mended in his heart. 

For the love of him,

Periannath

About minuiperiannath

Name: Spencer Wentland College: North Central University Year: Senior Major:Intercultural Studies My story of meeting Jesus in short: Not many weeks after I was born my parents baptized me into the Christian faith at First English Lutheran Church in my hometown, Appleton, WI. There they renewed their promises to renounce the devil and his ways, the world and evil and raise me the same way teaching me to love and fear the Lord, the Lord's Prayer, the Ten Commandments, the Creeds and when of reading age to put the Holy Bible in my hands and all the while, with the church community, instruct me in the Christian faith. My parents weren't perfect but they did fulfill the vows they made at my baptism. I had my own more personal experience with the Lord around the age of seven when I followed Jesus out of the Gospels to a "quiet, lonely place" in my backyard with the hope to do whatever Jesus did there. Without realizing it or ever being taught how to "receive Jesus into your heart" it happened quite like that even seeing a mental vision of Jesus and knowing I need to welcome him into my heart and let him sit on the throne of my life. I've never been the same since then and the Lord has kept his promise to be with me "always." I confirmed what my parents chose for me in a public confession of faith and the ritual of believer's baptism at a local swimming school where the Assemblies of God church my mom attends used to do their baptisms. I've never regretted a life with Jesus; life has always been richer, deeper and fuller because of it. About Me: Ha that's a funny question, and a popular one today. Well, if you really want to know "all about me" you will have to meet me. For starters I am hard to put in simple categories and often find myself tumbling between labels; i.e. introverted and extroverted, strong and weak, intuitive yet a rationalist, introspective and social, unique and individual yet needing people and empathetic. I belong to and am part of the Way and that is probably the most defining important part of my being. (Acts 24:14) As a God lover in the Way of Jesus Christ I long to see and embrace all things and people in his love for his glory. Creative people and places energize me. I enjoy and appreciate art and artists and like to contribute and collaborate in making my own art at times. I need my own time and spend a lot of time in contemplation- this is where I get recharged and new vision and vitality for life. A con of my personality is my ill attempts to understand everything about everything. At the same time I also get energy from others and love to be sociable. I make matrix like connections in my mind and although my comments often are perceived as random too me they are very connected to something. To me connection and harmony are very important and I believe the truth brings that out. The last few years have been filled with learning, studying and meeting wonderful people. Copenhagen, Escanaba, Nagasaki, and now back to Minneapolis! So excited to learn, grow and finish my last year at university! Call: I feel strongly called by the Lord to work and give myself as missionary of love to the Japanese people. As the Lord leads I hope to take a missionary assignment through ELCA Global Mission teaching English and serving in congregational mission and leadership in Japan. Eventually I would like to serve as an apostolic worker planting boiler rooms (missional/monastic communities) around the Japanese archipelago with a bunch of other Jesus lovers in international, incarnational bands of friends. About this blog: This blog is for my Church Administration and Personal Finance class. I'm looking forward to interesting and practical conversation and learning that will help develop my leadership and organizational skills for however and whatever takes shape out of the Lord's call.

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