“Not all who wander are lost.”~ J.R.R. Tolkien
Before I classify myself as a wanderer I must clarify what I mean exactly for the word “wanderer” tends to carry a negative nuance. It might be paired with an adjective like “aimless” and pictures of the double minded man from the opening chapter of James epistle might come to mind. Joyce Meyers, in her book Battlefield of the Mind, describes the “wandering, wondering mind” that focuses not and accomplishes little. It is described as a restless condition of the mind that is not at rest, at peace and not conducive to receiving revelation from the Lord. In short, it is not the “mind of Christ.” which we have received as gift and promise in the Holy Spirit of God.
I would be dishonest if I did not admit that at some place and level these types of “wandering” have characterized my life. I have ADD and struggle with focus. I have tried to grab hold of God yet have not let go of this world, my desires for it or of certain besetting sins that have kept me entangled. Often in my inner being I refuse or find it very difficult to put my trust in God and rest in that confidence. This is largely the condition in which my “awakening” arose. My double-mindedness had kept me marching around the same mountain, paralyzed by unbelief and consequently inaction. It is from the call “You have dwelt long enough on this mount, go take your journey” that I take up a new identity as a wanderer. I also must be careful not to think I will no longer deal or struggle with the same things; but, with this new awakening I have a different operating principle in my life. Faith and trust in God’s Word and call instead of in my own thoughts. This is why I seek in the desert the glory of the crucified one; I seek the Word in flesh for my deliverance and victory.
In this new way of wandering I am wending my way to align with his way. This is the New Testament understanding of faith, πιστις; i.e. to align oneself with. I’m starting to pick up the pieces of a prayer I prayed a bit short of two years ago: I want to live a cruciform life. A cruciform life is a life in the form of the cross, the real desire is to live in the way of Jesus, in the pattern of his life which has been so defined by the means of his temporary death. I will stay in the desert as long as God wants me until I get and actualize the reality that I am his. Perhaps while I’m here I’ll find my heart and reconnect to it as I continue mend my way to the heart of God and be mended in his heart.
For the love of him,