I’ve felt like tumbleweed lately. Blowing through life, blowing from here to there and losing pieces and catching treasure and garbage on the way. The last six years of my life has seen a lot of movement.
Now that I’ve finally finished my college degree I find myself hinged between two incessant demands— to buzz with more energy and dynamically step into long anticipated vocation and then to stop, rest, recuperate and reevaluate the particulars and stations of life my vocation might take me for the next pivotal steps of my adult life. Somewhere lodged in between these two desires is the desire to run like hell away from vocation, away from pressure, away from growing[up].
After a series of many transitions I find myself yet in a time of great transition. The future looms uncertain yet exciting. I’m tired and feel as though I shouldn’t be.
,,, So many shouldn’t bes; I shake them off like the false accusations they are. ,,,
I think about my roots and where I’ve been and how every time I’ve had to uproot I’ve had to rip somewhere and leave some behind. I feel their pain in memories and missed dear ones and fond places. I remind myself that God prepared my roots for transplant and it’d hurt so much more if I hadn’t allowed him to work in me. Will I let the Father prune me now?
This is where I tap in. I get myself wet in the living water of His presence. I drink in from the generosity that the Father has lavished on his kids. This is where I resolve not to give into fear as I let him make His home within me; I live in perfect love—I must never forget it.
Withdrawing from the world and taping into the Vine, this is what is so essential now and often. Taping into life, taping into God, taping into what makes me radiate with life and vitality, withdrawing from the need to answer it all, to chart my course and spell out all the logistics, this is what I must do—I must wait and rest and therefore be patient and obedient that I may grow and not stagnate, that I may bear fruit and not shrivel up. This where I repeat the oft said words at the conjunctions of life— Jesus I trust you. I’m taking these roots, with whatever they’ve got, and I’m taping in.