Have you seen Legend? Do you remember the scene when Tom Cruise’s character has to cross the swampy waters outside of the dark sorcerer’s castle? Or what about all the stories where one embarks to cross some dark, misty waters alone. I feel as if I am about to embark on such a journey. But it’s not the presence of evil that terrifies me so much as the wide, open empty that lurks ahead and seems as if it will invade my own life.
I wrote this ramble of thoughts towards the end of my study abroad in July of 2012. My time in Japan was coming to an end and I was under a degree of uncertainty as to whether I would be able to afford to finish my last year of undergrad. But deeper then this, the uncertainty of my future course ripped open an awareness of a metaphysical openness that lay beneath the narrower possibilities of what could happen whether or not I returned to school, or got a job in Nagasaki, or moved in with my dad—things running through my mind at the time. The fact that I had just finished a riveting year of adventure and new experience changed how I looked at possibility and when possibility in the new light of this openness stared back at me I was afraid. Suddenly possibility was so vast and expansive it’s seeming limitlessness blurred the effect whether it was full or empty. I felt a kind of emptiness as I lingered my gaze just those few moments.
Today I’m leaving to return to Japan. Possibility has dared reality again. What I learned then, and must apply now, is that in God possibility and all that lay within it is not to be feared but embraced as part of God’s gift of an abundant life through Christ. We have this promise that God works all things out for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose. This is the love of the Father towards us. The principle of uncertainty is promised to all who are born of the Spirit who are “like the wind.” This idea of adventuring with God and setting sail open to his possibility vanquishes all fear because it is his wind, his direction, his possibilities that I get to come in accord with. Like the disciples on the Lake of Gennesaret Jesus is with us and he is Lord of the storm. The wide open, empty is not empty after all its wide open fullness in the presence of God. Sola Dei Gloria!