Monthly Archives: January 2018

New Family Dynamics: LTS Testimony 2018


LTS stands for Life Transformation School and is a program offered by Navah Church, where I currently attend. Below is my testimony from the three plus weeks of lecture, prayer, small group and spiritual transformation.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,
    I call as my heart grows faint;
    lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Psalm 61:2, NIV)

There is a rock that is higher than us and that rock is Christ. When we build our lives on him and his teaching there is a solid foundation to things that makes the rest of the things which proceed from life much more stable and secure.

Attending LTS is tending to foundations of one’s life. More properly stated, it is letting God address our foundations so that being set right the rest of life may be built well. If it is a shame to be unable to finish the tower we have set out to build (Luke 14:28-30), how much more if it tumults on a faulty foundation. Through LTS the Lord has addressed the holes, cracks and crevices in my foundation. He has pulled out the lies and booby traps the enemy has planted to compromise that foundation with his tender hand. The whole process has been saturated with the reminder that unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vain. Whatever is built on this foundation, it will not be my project, rather, it will be ours and he is the Master Builder, I am just a son in his house. This is the big picture of what God has done in my heart through LTS this year. I now want to focus in on three more subtle but critical turns the Lord has made in my heart.

1) In the midst of a broken family on a broken planet, the Lord stands good and righteous over all.

I have tended to downplay the impacts of growing up in a broken family because its not that bad and divorce is so common now its not that big of a deal. But actually it is. God hates divorce because it lies about who we are and it damages everyone involved. The lie that I tended to believe was although it was great to have more family I didn’t completely belong in either family. This wasn’t a strong, consciously held belief but somehow it was there in the backdrop of too much of my growing up years. The fragmented nature of the Church didn’t help. There has been a long and deep striving to belong and failure to enter it fully has felt like an orbit of rejection around much of my life.

This orbit has been spinning around my head and heart as I have tried to come, or be brought home at Navah. Will they accept me with all of my flaws? Or the uglier, how can I prepare to write them off (just in case they do reject me, maybe then it will hurt less). Previous work has been done to establish that God, in all of his ways is good and He is good to me. The new work was that God’s way of working through humans, the Church, is his plan and it is good and although still human and therefore part broken it will be overall good for me. There remains a particular call to the local expression of that Church that is Navah. I need this holy family and I do belong. The invitation to come into the family remains open and its a gift that I can receive even as I hesitantly but courageously and in good faith offer myself as a gift to this body.

2) God the Father loves me just the way I am.

This seems as simple as the Gospel 101 but somehow it just remains so persistently difficult to really, really believe all the way down into the deep and dark crevices of our inner life. God has been working on the deepest levels of this interior world of the soul even before LTS had started. What happened during LTS was the strengthening of and reaffirmation that this is true. This truth filled me all the way up and overflowed around me. I always could see it better for others than myself but now I could see it more for others than I ever had before. I could see it through them back at me like the real people of the Church around me beginning to look like agents of Trinitarian love. This is how local churches become places of harboring the healing energy of God for damaged and robbed, left to die men and women on the cosmic roadside of life.

3)  There is a Way forward and beyond permeable boundaries of ego.

LTS helps exorcise us of a spirit of independence that prevents us from entering the proper dependence we have on the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and the proper interdependence we need on the holy, universal gathering of fellowshipping Family. That’s a mouthful but it establishes us rightly. We are not meant to live as autonomous agents of our own power and faculty. We are meant to live in union with God, with such a dripping intimacy that every breath is as if he were moving in our very being. He Is actually. All the things of life, if properly established, or planted, grow from this foundation of original solitude. The Japanese have an excellent way of describing from the Chinese character for person, how we need each other. 人, hito, meaning human, is made up of two lines leaning on each other. And so is mankind how it ought to be. If we listen to Jesus’ new commandment, which is like the old, love one another will orient us towards each other in a way that challenges the mode of living centered and from the self in exclusion of a permeating union with the Father and with the Divine Logos through which he rules the universe and manifests that reign in us as the Bishop and Shepherd of our souls.

Jesus operates also as our great high priest and lives to make intercession for us. He reveals to us the Father, seeing him is seeing the Father. His role as priest and advocate has reformed my practice of confession and repentance in a pivotal and crucial way. I primarily thought I needed to repent in a way of using the law to prove how utterly worthless and disgusting I was before God. It was always with these emphasis that I came to a resounding conclusion that I was a failure. However, the Father does not see me this way. The repentance of the Gospel is to actually to change my thoughts based off of the Father’s thoughts about me which in Christ is always that I am beloved. Seeing repentance in this new way  gives me a powerful tool to reorient and realign myself daily or however often necessary, as lies and assaults threaten to undo the mind of Christ which has been established through these Gospel teachings in LTS. This kind of repentance is also a doorway into quick and powerful intimacy and union with the Father.

These shifts have given me a new excitement and hope for life. I feel a readily accessible, real and daily joy that has not been there for a long, long time. It almost seems beyond memory. Its an excitement saturated in joy and established in victory that charges me to go out into the world with the exciting and simple news that Jesus loves you! I eagerly desire to join friends and siblings in Christ to voyage with the community of the Trinity into the fray of the many countless still left to die on the cosmic roadside of life.

So help us God and Sola Dei Gloria!



Challenge: to cultivate a writing habit


The first serious poem I ever wrote was in a spiral ring binder. This binder contained all of my first serious poems. Some of them have made it onto the early posts of this blog. My voice as a writer, my inner voice, was discovered as a middle school student under the tutelage of the late Ellen Kort’s.

Ellen was the state poet laureate at the time and was well traveled as a poet and authority on writing. I didn’t know her this way at first through. She was very grandmotherly as a woman, in the best, kind and calming way. At the same time her voice carried an authority that helped cut through the overthinking noise or moaning blankness that can come to mind when one first starts writing. She is the one who helped me discover my voice and I will forever appreciate her for it.

My first notebook was opened in her workshop, it has those first lines. It also has the salty tears of adolescent angst, long dehydrated but somehow infused with the lead.

When I lost that notebook several years later I couldn’t write for about a year and a half or more. I wrote assignments, including for some writing classes I later took with Ellen but other than keeping a journal I couldn’t get myself to write poems anymore. I couldn’t move past the sentimental sense of loss. I confessed this feeling of loss with my world literature teacher and she interrupted my doldrum with words something like this, maybe we were supposed to have this conversation and the reason is because you are supposed to write again. And so I began to write again and esteem myself as a writer. Writing is my art, I would think to myself in those days and I say about myself now.

Loosing my notebook was one reason I fell out of writing for a time. There have been countless others, university study loads, moving across the world, depression, and bad time management. But its time to fall back in. I am supposed to write again.

In order to cultivate this resettling into regular writing I will write 500 words a day for a month. That’s my goal, simply stated.

Sometime after waking my body after a pre-dawn run in the woods, I will write for about twenty to thirty minutes each morning before work. If this fails I can write as soon as I finish work. Prompts will aid me in setting aside the content of what to write about and center on my theme to “just write.” The immediate focus is habit building more so than the content of the writing.

If I succeed towards this end I will also accomplish a sub-goal which is to be blogging more consistently. Once this is set in a more perpetual motion I can think about more ambitious projects such as starting a book or short story or thematic writing about mission or the spiritual life.

Journaling for the life of the world



One word summarizes much of the longings of the human heart. Why do I write? Firstly writing comes as a thing of a necessity. I write because I am. Like all communication, writing comes from somewhere deep within the inner life of a person. The energy and intention of the written word may be heavily gravitated towards topics of expertise, abstract ideas such as philosophy or strategy, or about subjective topics like people, biography or memoir. Whether the subject matter is objective or subjective all writing is something for or to another. It is addressed.

Its the addressed nature of our writing that personalizes and hopefully humanizes it. One writes a love letter to a distant family member or friend or they write a blog to other pilgrim travelers trying to navigate the complexity and strain of whatever niche they co-habit. Whether amateur or expert, what is written is meant to land somewhere and to someone who inhabits that space. It is the intention to share one’s life and thus give life to others that is humanizing energy of writing. However, this energy needs a personal and contextual field of thought to bring life into the words. It is this contextual and relational dimension of writing that seems to be under increasing threat in the world today.

The ubiquity of written and visual media and communication brought forth through the various technologies of the ongoing digital revolutions and information age threaten both the personal quality of our communication and the life that lay at the kernel of it. This is no less true of writing which has gone through its own revolution. For instance, typing is writing, and inputing things into a smartphone is at least called writing in the sense of labor. Or maybe this is just putting or texting. But whatever it be called, the life in the written word is cheapened by the demands of efficiency, expediency, and the relative anonymity that the inter-web has in flattening personal address into a global, public, and faceless address. Even the linguistic boundaries of the world’s cultures and people’s are pressed and squashed through technologies of online translation.   It can help us reach more but it we reach with so much less.

So this two fold desire to share life so that others receive life and nourishment through writing is something I think must be fought for because it goes against the tide of much of the mediums through which one now writes. I have not addressed the flaws in our human nature which could charge our words with destruction, damage, and hate— a kind of anti-life. These are not new fronts but they are exasperated by the technologies of our emerging age. If it is true that “it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45, NRSV) its also true of our writing. Spirited words bring life, not dead, heartless ones. And the hurried, harried, and anonymous landscape of our present time does much to diminish if not outright kill our hearts.

Thus I write for life, first for mine and then for the life of the world. And I trust a superior Word to aid and sustain me in the vigilance we all most certainly need to be a good neighborly people.